Frustration, Helplessness and Redirection

My wife and I purchased 17 acres near her parent's homeplace in Stockman, TX about 5 years ago. We have been struggling to pay for it and improve it while I have been in seminary (twice now). It isn't a huge place but it is beautiful, with a big hill rolling down into an old hay field with a dry creek crossing it. There are some ancient, massive oak trees on top of the hill with a water well, electricity hookup and septic system. Our plan was to possibly build a retirement home there over the next 30 years and settle some day, out in the country.

We found out recently that we do not have mineral rights to the property, only surface rights, and that an oil company out of Shreveport, LA was marking out a 3 acre spot right in the middle of our hillside to drill for gas. We went through the roof! All our plans were ruined. We felt helpless and a bit like we and our land was being raped. We had no consent whatsoever and no ability to stop them.

Our future was changing, and our field of dreams was yanked out from under our feet. What could Deb and I do now besides vent to each other? Well, I got on the phone and asked the land man to meet us out at our place. They did, and we discussed possibilities. As we talked I realized that with some redirecting and letting go, our future could still include this piece of land, just in a new way. God could still take this seeming terrible situation and bring some good out of it.

To make a long story short, the oil company moved the pad down off the hill and into the hay field. They agreed to dig me a big lake into the hillside, and to tear down the old, rotten chicken barn, and remove all of the debris. The damages they offered will pay off our remaining debt on the land.

We have now agreed to this emerging future, albeit a bit reluctantly, and are planning to create an outdoor getaway, a camping spot, with a lake for fishing and swimming. While rummaging through the old chicken barn, we found some old window frames and about 8 old doors from my wife's great-grandparents home that we plan to incorporate into the gazebo we will build where the chicken barn was. We also removed quite a bit of old, heavy oak hardwood beams that is beautiful when cleaned up and plained. Who knows what else will come out of this, but we really had no choice but to sit and steam over the situation, or let go and let God work.

Blundering Apologetics

Three of the biggest growth moments in my budding faith were challenges to my ability to communicate what I believed. When we try to articulate that which we hold so dear inside of us, we often find out that we haven't really worked out what that really means to us and why.

1. Shortly after I asked God to help me get my life back together and began giving Him control (slowly but surely), I was asked to teach the high school Sunday school class in the new congregation I began attending. What a stretch, as I wasn't much more spiritually or physically mature than they were. I began studying and preparing, and realized quickly how little I remembered or learned as a kid growing up in the church. Needless to say, I began growing out of necessity.

2. I began an email debate with an "agnostic/atheist" buddy from college. I read a book on World Religions and poured through my Bible, and began trying in a very loving, caring way to articulate why I was a Christian. I know that if I was to read all of those emails again, I would probably cringe at some of my theology, but nonetheless, it helped move me further in my journey by articulating my faith. I don't know what the effect was on my friend. I hope more positive than negative.

3. The encounter that God used to really challenge me and lead toward my call into the ministry took place in a bar after a long day of partying with a friend in Colorado. He knew I went to church regularly, taught Sunday school and played Jesus in a passion play every year. We drunkenly argued about Christianity, and looking back, I know I was probably not very sensitive or calm. But one thing he said stung me like a barbed arrow, right into my heart... "You know, I know a lot of Christians, and none of them are any different than anyone else I know. So what is the point?" That comment still rings in my ears with conviction, as I realized at that moment how tainted my witness was because of my lifestyle and lack of living what I said I believed. That encounter, along with many others, have changed my life for good.

Our apologetics may not always be so "purty" (east texas slang) all the time, but God can take any attempt, whether we blunder or make mistakes, and bring about some good. As my wife says... "God can use an oops, but He can't use a nothing!"

A good read on the subject is: Humble Apologetics by John G. Stackhouse Jr.

German Pope Brings Reformation!

I am sorry, but I do have a deep respect for the Catholic Church. Although I am a United Methodist pastor, I was baptized Catholic, and my Mimi and Pappy were both devout German Catholics in New Braunsfels, TX, home of the Wurstfest. Talk about Contextualization - I think this is hilariously great! (note: this is a joke)

What Really Killed the Cat

The small cat looked across the street at the big tom cat singing to the moon. The small cat noticed all of the animals gathered around... dogs, other cats, raccoons, squirrels, and even a fruit bat. The big cat had a large group of cats up on the fence singing and playing various backyard instruments. The small cat felt lonely. "What must I do to have friends sing and hang out with me? Maybe I can impress the other animals and make them want to come over to my side of the street." The small cat began to sing louder, and strutted back and forth along the curb, dancing and twirling in the moonlight. The big cat's band only played louder. The other animals looked on feeling a little sorry for the little cat, but not about to abandon the great entertainment offered by the big cat. In despair, the small cat finally shouted out loudly, "I can do anything you can do, big cat, only better!" A silence settled among the animals on the other side of the street as they looked at the big tom cat, wondering how he would respond to such a challenge. Big cat only chuckled to himself and said, "Bring it on, little brother!"
Thus the games began - night after night, the animals gathered in the street to watch as the two cats, big and small, competed for the grand prize - "The Ultimate Cat Championship". The first event was a bone digging competition, which appealed to the dogs. Each cat must locate and dig up a bone in their yard to provide to the dogs faithfully waiting along the street. Big ran straight to a recently dug whole, by his family's pet, and quickly laid a bone at the feet of each dog in the audience. Cheers and barks resounded. Small ran around hopelessly searching for a bone, because there were no dogs in his family, and thus no bones. Small just sighed and conceded the dogs to Big. The next event appealed to the cats, who loved to sing and socialize. Big struck up his big band and played the swingingest, most howling popular song, The Catarena, while Big passed around cat-nip and feathers (which was a big hit with the felines). On the other side of the street, Small sang the old classic Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, while dancing on the fence. Unfortunately, he got his claw stuck in a slat, and fell flat on his face (which is pretty sad for a cat always lands on their feet). Things couldn't get much worse for Small, but they did. Not only did he lose the dogs and cats, but he had no trash to gather for the Raccoons, no nuts for the squirrels, or even shade trees for that matter, and no fruit trees for the bat. You probably already guessed that Big had all of these things to offer his guests. Now everyone was gathered once again on the other side of the street, rejoicing in the song, dance, fellowship and food. The party was rocking over there on Big's side, and everyone quickly forgot about poor, lonely Small. Small sat by himself once again, feeling like a failure. He looked up at the moon, and with a mournful cry said, "Well, Faithful Light, I guess it is just you and me again. I am sure glad you are still with me. What are we going to do?" "And from somewhere out there, or maybe it was in there... from somewhere near, yet far away... Small heard these words... "I am with you, and I am glad you are with me." And suddenly, Small didn't feel so small anymore. And Small didn't feel so lonely anymore. And Small didn't feel so angry anymore. And Small didn't feel so competitive anymore. What Small felt was... complete, satisfied, and full of life. He climbed up on his rickety old fence and shouted at the top of his lungs, "We are not alone! Yes! We are not alone!" And all of the animals across the street paused in a moment of hush as they looked at the lone, joyful cat across the street. And for a moment, Small didn't look so small.

Did you get "fed" Sunday?

How badly has our contemporary consumerism mind set and individualized Western worldview damaged our understanding of salvation and the mission of the Church? Is it really all about me? Is worship bad if I don't like the music or if the sermon didn't speak to me? Is salvation simply a personal experience where I choose to be saved and earn my free ticket to heaven? Was Jesus a door to door salesman selling fire insurance? Is it right for me to shop for a "church" like I would for a new pair of pants? Or is there supposed to be more to our faith? Is there a bigger purpose beyond my personal happiness? Is my being "fed" on Sunday what is most important? What is going on? Why are we so selfish? Has the Christian faith always been this way? NO!
Go figure...
our God is a God of relationships. Father, Son, Holy Spirit - - - Adam, Eve, Abraham, Moses, Israel, Peter, John, Jew, Gentile, male, female, slave, free, etc. We can't horde God to ourselves, we can't turn God into Santa, we can't buy God, we can't own God; and yet we can be in relationship w/ the Almighty Creator God. God is God - "I AM" - "YahWeh" and God is building a people after His own heart. God is personal & God is communal, God is more than just... mine & more than just... ours. For God so loved the world that He created it. God invites us to sit at His table and He fills our cups to overflowing, and breaks bread among us. And God promises an eternity of relationship - an eternity of pancakes and bacon and orange juice and coffee - Uncle Joe and Aunt Bee, Granny and Pop, Little Jimmy and Sally - God offers us participation in an eternal feast of relationship. Not a consumer feast, but a soulful feast.

Home?

Hebrews 3:1-7
An incredible week in Portland with my new friends (cohort, advisor, teachers and Len Sweet). After flying all night and finally walking in the door at "home" at 6:30 am, I climbed into my familiar bed and crashed (hard). There is a peace about having this sheltered, private space we call home. And yet when I arrived, my wife and boys were not there. So to say I was at home is not completely true. When Joshua says "As for me and my house - we will serve the Lord" - who was he talking about? Certainly not his tent. Home is not as easily defined as we might like. Home is not merely this shell built by human hands that provides us protection, personal space, etc. Home is relational and spiritual - incredibly deep, mysterious and complex. Home is sacred space, it is the world around us which we willingly incorporate into our lives. NOT HOME is that which we reject or avoid. Home defines who we are and what we do. Home is not just something that belongs to us, but home is something that we belong to as well. It is a conglomeration of symbiotic relationships and responsibilities that we are an integral part of. Every element of that relational system is connected and tied together in defining who we are and our place in God's Creation (most often in ways that we are not even aware of, although our Maker is). Ok - I hope I didn't lose anyone - Here are my thoughts in a nutshell...

"And so, dear brothers and sisters who belong to God and are bound for heaven, think about this Jesus..."
*Jesus is "builder/architect of the house" (see Colossians 1:15-20).
*Moses, you and I (and potentially all our neighbors) are "the home" (servants-caretakers-hospitality staff-concierge-wait staff-gardeners etc.)
"But Christ, the faithful Son is in charge of the entire household."

Is HOME really my personal sheltered, familiar, private space where I feel comfortable and can rest? Or is the whole HOME thing much bigger than that? Where was Jesus' home during His 3 years of ministry? A better question might be "WHO is Jesus' home?" Am I really living fully as a member of Jesus' home, or am I hiding out in my own, comfortable, sheltered house? The ongoing answering of this question is life changing: "What is HOME and where do I fit into that whole system?"
It has been discovered that there is a communal nature to the simple life forms of amoebas - they will actually sacrifice themselves for the health and continued existence of the community. Somehow, someway every amoeba counts and is connected and important to the welfare of the rest of God's creation. Examples of the symbiotic connections that exist within God's household are all over the place. The Holy Spirit reminds us to listen to the voice of The Builder - and live accordingly. With connection comes participation & responsibility - on The Maker's terms, not mine. With connection comes joy, here and now and forever.